All of A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one. - TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55
After writing down my character defects, I was unwilling to talk about them, and decided it was time to stop carrying this burden alone. I needed to confess those defects to someone else. I had read - and been told - I could not stay sober unless I did. Step Five provided me with a feeling of belonging, with humility and serenity when I practiced it in my daily living. It was important to admit my defects of character in the order presented in Step Five: "to God, to ourselves, and to another human being." Admitting to God first paved the way for admission to myself and to another person. As the taking of the Step is described, a feeling of being at one with God and my fellow man brought me to a resting place where I could prepare myself for the remaining Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety.
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The first time I got sober, before I ever took a Fifth Step, I didn't understand how my ego could be deflated any more than it already was. I didn't like myself and I didn't like the feeling of being in my own skin. How would deflation of ego help? Wouldn't that make me feel worse? I only knew about the most common definition of 'ego' which is an inflated opinion of one's self. I didn't know about these definitions: 1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves. 2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality. - American Heritage Dictionary
ReplyDeleteMy entire identity of self was negative, and I later found out it was because of all the "garbage" I carried with me. Happily, I found out that I could change my identity of myself by ridding myself of my secret burdens. Step Five paved the way for me to happiness, joy and freedom. Ridding myself of the burdens allowed me to uncover the true identity of myself as the Creator intended.